Showing off my invisible disease
with a butterfly that tells a story.
The butterfly represent Multiple Sclerosis (MS), the orange monarch to be exact as orange is the color ribbon used to represent MS as well.
“Multiple Sclerosis is a journey I never planned or asked for but I choose to love life, hate the disease and fight”
Ever since being diagnosed with this invisible disease, 3 years ago in 2019, I have been advocating, raising awareness and #SpreadingORANGE.
I felt I wanted to "wear it on my “sleeve". Saying, "hey, you may not see it, but I'm in pain, I have lost my words today and I'm suffering from severe fatigue".
I had been trying to think of a way to do this and had come up with a tattoo to add to my existing collection. My current tattoos however all have the ability to be hidden from daily view and most people don’t even know I have them. All of them have some sort of significance or meaning to me as well.
When thinking of this new addition which would hold incredibly significant meaning, perhaps more than all the others, my mind went to a tattered orange ribbon. The ribbon would represent MS, but I wanted a butterfly also representing MS and also showing that no matter what I am experiencing inside, I'm fighting to live a beautiful, full life. Both the ribbon and butterfly are always used to represent MS and if I were to use either, I wanted it to be unique to me. Unique to what I was personally feeling about my experience with MS.
While discussing it with my partner, Raiden she came up with the concept of combining both ideas for a "tattered butterfly". Representing the loss of my myelin on my nervous system but that I continue to be living my life. I think my jaw fell agape as I loved the idea. YES!
I chose to place this where it CAN be seen, unlike my others, as my MS is already invisible. I wanted it and the meaning to shine and be seen by all. I picked my lower leg as my legs are what are affected the most with my biggest lesion originally taking the feeling away and making them numb and tingly. Now on days, I use them too much they feel numb and heavy like I have lead weights in my shoes. So why not place my emotions there? And that is just what this tattoo was, a way for me to express my emotions and feelings toward having MS.
This tattoo already meant so much but the meaning became deeper as I actually put ink to skin. For the first time since my first flare, I experienced the needle I once loved so much to endure.
The sensations of a tattoo with MS nerve pain are incredibly intense. It radiated through my entire leg and continued up my back to my neck. Every stroke that went into this tattoo I felt to my core.
I became incredibly emotional as the amazingly talented artist finished up and I got to see it completed. It's beyond words.
It's perfect in every way and tells my MS story.
I have MS and it’s a beautiful thing. Something I couldn’t have said before this experience. I will continue to learn from it while I experience it every day for the rest of my life and live with and through it with an enlightened mind and open eyes.
#MS #MSwarrior #MSsucks #3Years #IllWearItForever #WearOrange #LivingWithMS #Beautiful #Butterflies #SpreadingORANGE
